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We had lunch as soon as we arrived in Toulouse. Zoe kept pestering me to tell her what I thought I would buy her, but I wouldn’t reveal a thing. That’s because I didn’t have a clue.We began to look in shops, but most of the clothes I saw were cheap and more suited for teenagers than my beautiful, forty-seven-year-old wife. She showed me some dresses that were a bit sexier than anything she owned, but none of them impressed me. She then tried to talk me into buying her some sexy underwear, thinking she could get away with wearing that under something she already owned.“Listen,” I said, “we’re getting nowhere. You lost the bet. Why don’t I go look around by myself, and you can do some shopping on your own. We can meet at the Place de Capitole at 5pm. I’ll call you if I need your advice.” She agreed.I was lucky that Zoe was a pretty standard size; when I bought her clothes as a gift, they usually fit. Still, I walked around for nearly an hour without seeing anything promising until I. .. but it's not. It's been almost four months since... since Tabitha and I split up... and in that time, it's like I'm a faucet that's been shut off at the source. No matter how many times I turn the handle, there's nothing coming out."She avoids looking at me directly. She knows how much this hurts me... still... For weeks after our last fight, I was stuck in an emotional funk. It didn't help that I had seen it coming for weeks and weeks prior, I had stuck it out, hoping to find something to turn things around. Instead, every time we talked, afterwards, I would find myself analyzing what I had said, wondering what I had said wrong. But even seeing it coming, it hit me hard."It's because you haven't dealt with the emotions of your breakup properly", she whispers. Her quiet voice has sunk even lower, barely registering as sound and thought. Despite being barely audible, each of her words hits me like a sledgehammer in the gut, each word reopening painful gulfs in my heart, tearing open.
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