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I still saw gay sex as an easy opportunity to get off, with no emotional consequences...easier than finding a girl. Sometimes I would reciprocate, sometimes not.The driver of the BMW was maybe 35 years old, slightly pudgy. He seemed troubled, like he had a lot on his mind. He clearly wanted someone to talk to. So I listened to his troubles, as he talked about his problems getting along with his father, and a lot of other things. We drove for 20 minutes or so before he asked me where I was planning to spend the night. When I said I had no plans, and no money for a motel, he offered to let me stay at his place for the night. Soon after that we pulled into a condo complex, and walked up to his place on the second floor.We had a few drinks, unwound, talked and laughed for a long time...relaxing and getting to know each other. I got to thinking this might be another fun night with a guy, and I was OK with that, I liked this guy and was comfortable around him.It got late, he suggested I. It was theonly way a guy had ever touched her in a loving way, even if she knewAndy didn't care in the least really. It made her feel special and sheliked the feeling. It was nothing like the feelings that came from thosemonsters inside of her."And just because I like you," Andy said, smiling a little. "I'll letyou suck my dick, and then you can buy my own share that I've beensaving. It's a pain, but I can see how bad you need it."Jane felt hollow but her body made her nod. It was just as dreamlike andhorrible as she remembered, almost perfect autonomy without willpower.Jane's hands fumbled with Andy's trousers, while Jane felt herselffalling further back inside herself, knowing what to do and how to doit, but unable to completely be a part of it. She retreated back in hermind until she felt the bars of the cage at her back, which housed theunquiet monsters, gibbering and yelling, screeching and clawing in theirprison of airy thought. They pulled at her and she could feel them,.
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