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She came down the hall wearing Andi’s plush robe and fuzzy slippers with her hair in curlers. “I guess I can go to bed now that I know you’re safe.” It took us a moment and then all three of us broke up.“You don’t really wait up for her like that, do you?” I asked Andi.“Not like that! What would her date think if he saw her mother looking like that?”“Well, maybe I overdid it with the curlers,” Cali laughed. “Anyway, I’m going to bed now so you two can kiss goodnight. Just don’t stand out there on the porch where all the neighbors can see you.”“‘Night, Cali.”“‘Night. Love you, Mom. Love you, Dag.” She kissed each of us on the cheek and went back down the hall. I stepped in far enough that I wasn’t on the porch, but we kept the door open.“See? That was much more effective than if you had come home alone. She’d have been so disappointed.”“I think she likes you.”“I’m glad. I intend to be around for a long time.”“I love you, Dag.” We kissed.“You are my heart’s desire, Andi.” I looked at. . Okay, kind of fell apart there at the end, but that's because I'm a little rusty on how these fantasies go. See, if you're thinking that way you're still not fully appreciating the terrible magnificence of Dick, because if you were you'd know the Dick version of the Move-In fantasy is this: you walk right up to her, grab her around the waist, throw her down on the bed, unzip your fly as she voluntarily shucks her clothes -- or just hikes up her skirt, if that's the mood you're in -- and Bam! you're making your O face.That's what should have happened. Light hits eyes, image hits brain, recognition system alerts His Maleness, and Trojan Man mounts up. Badda-bing, badda-boom-boom.But somewhere I must have gotten my wires crossed. When I saw her standing there, sex wasn't the first thing on my mind. For whatever reason, Image Processing sent the data stream to an old system that hadn't been used in a long time. Not since I got Dicked. For a moment, I was the old me.Okay, actually I.
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