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We spent Christmas Day as we have since I was small. It doesn't have quite the same kind of magic as it did back then, but having the family all gathered for a morning together still feels special. Lad joined us inside after breakfast when we opened presents. He got some leftover scrambled eggs as a treat, then enjoyed poking his nose into wrapping paper and supervising all the activity.Everything was as it should be on a Christmas morning, yet I was aware of a tiny degree of separation between myself and the rest of my family. I love my parents without reservation, and I don't like lying to them, or keeping things hidden from them. I also love Lad, and all the things we do together. Those two facts don't go well together. As time goes on, there's more and more that I have to hide. Part of growing up, I suppose. My mom got Laddie a pretty red jingle bell collar for Christmas, and when I put it on him, I thought how it would jingle when he was slamming his body against mine. I kept. The one that stands out the most is the time that I raped my 14 year old Step-Sister. I can’t say it any other way. I raped her. I have tried to rationalize it. I have tried to make up for it. I have tried to prove I’m a good person. I’m not. This story is my confession and my acceptance of what I am deep inside, a closet predator.When we were younger we had fooled around. My older Step-Sister, Kiara, any my younger Step-Sister, Kiana, and I would beg our Step-Dad to let us sleep in the camper we owned. He would relent and the 3 of us would get up in the top bunk and the shorts would come off. We’d enjoy 2 or 3 hours of mutual exploration, put our clothes on, and go to sleep cuddling. My Step-Father eventually put a stop to that citing our advanced age. Looking back, maybe he knew. After a while, all of this activity stopped. I was more or less a grown man by 14 and my older Step-Sister was worried I might get her pregnant if we continued fooling around. Kiana and I still messed.
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