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" I pictured someone more feminine. Someone daintier. More petite." I know." Maybe next time we should try a woman...a born woman...someone mature.I mean, in her forties, adult. You can do lesbo stuff with her and I canwatch and then I can fuck her." Maybe."I feel the sadness crack open inside me. Is that what this is reallyabout? Does he want a woman? Is he dissatisfied with me, even thoughthis is the way he insisted that he wanted me; it's something we'vediscussed. I'd go for the surgery in a heartbeat if that's what hewanted. I'm of two-minds about it but he could tip the balance. He couldunify my mind. But he doesn't want me to have the surgery."I like you the way you are already," he insists. "You're unique thisway. Why should you have society dictate to you how your body shouldlook? As far as I'm concerned, you're a woman already."Three years ago, going for a consultation, the surgeon herself told methat some guys are like my husband. "They get off on it--the she-male thing."She. "What about them?" he said, his concern growing."They'll be starting soon. They will be slow, so don't expect anythingdramatic just yet," she added."Soon! You mean I'll be changing while I'm still at school?!" he cried."It will be slow. There will be ways to hide your change if needbe," shereplied."Oh, this is going to be horrible!" he sighed."I told you it wasn't going to be easy. Please, just relax. Things willwork out better than you currently think. The help you need is outthere," she told him. "I'm going now, so get some sleep." * * *Paul awoke next morning feeling worried. The changes were coming, butwhen? What would change first. He had managed to suppress his femalethoughts though he had cried buckets at the end of ET. What bugged himwas that his life seemed destined to crash and burn. He couldn't see anyway in which the outcome could be good for him.He had the usual wait as always for Joanne to use the bathroom. When hefinally got in, he started to look in the mirror at.
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