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By DebWebAlthough this story is sort of semi autobiographic, the T.G element ispurely a twisted figment of my imagination. Since my childhood wasmostly a miserable and lonely existence,then, had the subject of mygender confusion been confronted by those adults to whom my well beingwas entrusted,then life may have been a little more interesting. Isuppose as it is with most children who suffer from this "affliction",(as I viewed it at the time) I thought I had the best kept secret in theworld. Only with hindsight as an adult did I realize it was the best keptopen secret in the world! The taboo subject never to be talked about inmy presence, but no doubt a topic of conversation discussed in myabsence. Looking back as an adult minus my childhood naivety I nowcomprehend all the innuendos and subtle mickey taking I received from mypeers and adults alike, not to mention the unexplainable hostility fromcertain quarters.Within that new found hindsight which comes with maturity of adulthood. He stared straight at her, feeling a bit confused. ‘Why? I mean, I’m the one who…’ she cut him off before he could finish. She wondered what he was planning on apologizing for. ‘Shh. No. It wasn’t you at all. It was me.’ He tried to cut in but she motioned for him to stay quiet. ‘I want to try to explain. It won’t make sense because it’s stupid. I’m not trying to say it’s an excuse, because it’s not. It’s just what I was feeling, even though it’s wrong. You know I’ve never done this before. You know, cared about someone. Or especially the someone caring about me part. It confuses me and it makes me nervous. What makes me more nervous is how much I like being with you.’ ‘Why does that make you nervous?’ he said, still confused. ‘Because… because it will hurt more if you leave.’ ‘I’m not planning on it.’ She sniffled, still trying not to cry. ‘Ande told me I was just scared. That I was trying to push you away or something. Like I thought it would hurt less if you left now rather than.
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