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My dad said it’s because I’m getting older. I think it’s because my brain is tired of rehashing my problems in my dreams. Let’s talk about nightmares – I used to have one a year. Now I have three a week. I don’t wake up in cold sweats, or screaming, just with a vague sense of unease, as if there’s someone standing over me, in the dark, and even though I can’t see them, I know they’re there. Half awake, after a nightmare, I don’t feel fear, just a reaffirmed bored intensity. Brutal, hacksaw murder or not, at least it would be a little action. I try to want not to go to the bar on my night off, again. I’m barely twenty one and already I’ve come to this. It’s my choice, though, every time. Understanding the cause and effect of personal responsibility is not a guarantee of happy living. I still smell like puke and that’s what decides it. I throw myself into the routine. The water hits me like rain from heaven and the shower is a moment, just an instant, where I’m concentrating more on. She used to say bad things about those people. But as my head cooled off I realized that she deserves to be pleasured by a strong black man. For over a year she was a "BBC virgin," as we both searched for the right one for her. She wanted to make sure the right Black guy fucked her. I would always hold her hands and comfort her about not giving up. It was as If my little Gina was my daughter or as if we were two girlfriends. One day we met a man at the grocery store. He was not all that handsome but had a very rough look to him. He was pretty short (about 5'4), while Gina is 5'7 in flats. He was dark skin and was very well dressed. He looked like the porn star "Shorty Mac." He had a very tall blonde attached to him. Short guys who have taller girlfriends are usually rich. Short black guys with tall blonde's usually have huge cocks. Gina instantly looked at me. "He is the one" she declared declared to me with glee.I approached him outside. I knew that it wasn't his wife that he was.
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