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I was definitely making great stridesand was getting more mobile. I was still heavily dependent on Paulthough but I could see a time when I wouldn't need him as a carer andthat made me feel miserable.Lisa had texted that she was going to drop round the following eveningand when I told Paul he seemed happy enough but there was somethingbothering him."What is it? I thought you liked Lisa, I even thought you fancied her."He laughed and said, "I don't fancy her, but she is the kind of woman Iwould like to be, well not actually be, but she is so funny andbeautiful and full of energy."I stared at him and said without thinking, "If it was a choice betweenPaula and Lisa, I would choose Paula every time."Paul stood stock still and said very carefully, "Jeff, be careful whatyou say. You should only say things you really mean."I looked him n the eyes and said, "I mean it, and I will show you, whydoesn't Paula meet Lisa tomorrow night?" You can't be serious, Jeff." I am serious, I would be proud. I hadn't decided what say to her yetand was going to wait until I arrived at my destination and settled in.Mind you, there may not be anywhere to stay, but I would cross thatbridge when I came to it. It wouldn't hurt for her to wonder where I wasfor a few more hours.Drinking my coffee, I felt a certain peace. I was doing what Iwanted--without any outside influences. For most of my life, I had takeninto consideration what others wanted and not looked after my owninterests. It was kind of liberating, lying on this bed like this in mysilky feminine nightie, planning my future. It had taken the breakdownof my marriage to get where I now was and, sad as I was that things hadhappened the way they had, anything I did from now on was down to me andme alone. So I would go down to Devon and would try to make a life formyself without being held back by work or messy relationships.I was lucky in a way because financially, I was in quite a goodsituation. When my mother died, she left her large,.
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