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But after Vanessa left, everything fell apart. My life derailed. I couldn't see the sense of anything anymore. I would spend my nights spinning the globe, walking my fingers around Boston. I would try to imagine what she was doing, how she was settling in, whether she'd met anyone. I tried calling her once, but hung up after the tone.In desperation, I turned to my vacuum cleaner. It's been in such heavy use this month that, in hindsight, the breakdown was inevitable. It's over fifty years old and not really designed for that kind of debris. But it helped. I would turn it on and sit in bed, holding the warm, purring casing in my arms, waiting for that comfortingly familiar climax. I know that it's not a solution, but it took the edge off the pain, for a while.When it broke, everything fell apart again. Last night, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and couldn't even masturbate without thinking about her. It was horrible. The only thing that had offered any respite was that vacuum. "No Sochima, don't get the wrong idea. That's not why I am asking you. We have separate rooms, and nothing but business needs to happen."I still looked unsure, as he added, "I would have asked you first anyway if I had known you were so well recovered. I nearly did, but then I thought Beluchi hadn't had a trip for a good while. Honestly, if yesterday hadn't happened, I would be asking you anyway." No catches?" I asked."No catches. No pressure," he answered."Thank you, Tochukwu. That's fine."I wasn't certain of my feelings for Tochukwu, It seemed that I liked him a lot. Unlike Dozie, who was great as a person and a friend, I seemed to to be attracted to Tochukwu as a lover as well. He was such a genuinely nice man, a gentle man, though he could be quite forceful when he wanted to be. In some ways he was much like my late husband. Was that it? I hoped not. I thought that perhaps I was attracted to certain qualities both men had, not just wanting a replacement for him. I was still a.
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