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A variation came to mind.Wife texts husband on a beautiful day after a fruit picking weekend: "Apples driving me nuts, what to do."Husband texts back: "put in cider maker and crank up the pressure."Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer gone flat now."These are compliments Bill LBritish humor as it used to be: absolutely politically incorrect.It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloreds from running.Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements.Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon. The second time the straightened wire-hanger struck her clit and nether lips, she p*ed herself screaming, she did not know how many times he hit her, but, she lost conscious before he stopped.(Sunday early afternoon) It was light when she woke. And quiet, no rap music blaring. There were 4 younger guys hosing out blood and cum from her. Then they scrubbed her clean with a soapy brush. She became aware one hand was un-cuffed and hurting. The doctors later said the hand and wrist where broke as if she had pulled it free of its bindings. After the cleaning they hoist her up by her feet, legs spread. And then played a little game with her, called “what’s in your pussy, bitch” they took turns shoving things in side her and she had to guess what, a beer bottle, a Ball-peen Hammer, a wire brush, a brick, a dead mouse (that was the hardest to guess), and then some fire-works, after a time they must have gotten bored because they stopped and left her just hanging there, with a burnt out.
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My knees buckled, and I landed on the floor by the side of the bed. Didn’t he have a do not resuscitate, anyway? By how cold he was, he might have been dead for hours. Still I felt I should feel for a pulse, because even though I could sense he was long gone, what if I were wrong? There was no pulse. I put my forehead down on the bed near his hip. ‘No,’ I said. He was doing so well. ‘Why couldn’t you just get asparagus?’ It was a ridiculous thing to say, as if, if he had been able to go to the store to get a vegetable everything would have been fine. I took out my phone and dialed 911. ‘What’s the nature of your emergency?’ a female operator said. It took me a few tries to speak. I guess it wasn’t an emergency anymore, was it. But weren’t you supposed to call 911 when someone died? ‘My boyfriend died and I don’t know what to do,’ I said. ‘I’ll talk you through it,’ she said gently. ‘I’ll talk you through it.’ — In a blink of an eye, my life changed. The Halloween decorations looked.

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