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It was calling tome, willing me to wear it.Obeying the call I quickly stripped to my shorts, dropping my clothes onthe floor, never once taking my eyes off the dress. Approaching thedress, I slipped both hands under the back hem of the skirt and workedthem up to the armholes. I was trembling with excitement as I lifted thedress up off the bed with my arms. I paused for a moment, staring at thecool smooth satin mass on my arms, and then ducked my head down under thehem. I raised my arms up over my head holding the dress by the shouldersthrough the armholes. When the dress straightened out, I let go of it,letting it float down my arms under what little weight it had.As I slowly lowered my arms, I looked down at that beautiful black andsilver checkered skirt encircling my waist. A strange sensation cameover me as I zipped and buttoned it up. It felt like I was in a dream, Ijust couldn't believe I was actually wearing something so beautiful. Ineeded proof, I needed a. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I wonder why I was not in fear of it. Pain like a river, a waterfall, an earthquake…pain like a volcanic eruption that makes me scream and scream and scream. So much pain to deliver a life so small. Giving birth was perhaps the most painful and colorful moment of my life, the ripping of a soul that I’m not even sure exists. It tore from me like the wing of bird, disabling my flight through the azure dawn of existence. I felt that when I was crying my tears were made of glass because they hurt as they came out razor edges carving bloody scars down my cheeks dropping like bullets onto my heaving chest, dividing lines around my heart, stilling my flowing stream of consciousness into a stagnant pool of.
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