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I didn’t have to get permission or feel guilty. I was free and for a few days, it was a good feeling. A couple of things changed my thinking fairly early on in my new bachelorhood. First, I wasn’t sleeping well. I was able to get to sleep, but I was waking up at all hours of the night with my mind operating at full speed. I tried to find things to think about that would put me back to sleep, but I was mired in all kinds of weird thoughts that were tumbling around in my mind. I was trying to decide the difference between loneliness and being alone. A philosophical debate would take place for hours at a time as I tried to untie this Gordian Knot. I tried to dream of beautiful women except I didn’t know any and they wouldn’t want much to do with me either. I think the thing that caused the change in my lifestyle after Molly chucked me out was one Sunday morning when I got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom to find some clothes for the day. The back of the closet door had a. On my 2nd beer and 4th shot of tequila I saw him at the other end of the bar where he was having his bachelor party and stared until he looked up. We maintained eye contact far too long, but neither of us made any other move. With nothing more than a gentle flat handed stroke across the lap of one of his groomsmen, I got the date and time and place of the wedding. I wasn’t sure I would go through with it until I found myself in front of the church. I walked rapidly up the steps before I could come to my senses and in the doors. It seemed like fate to me that I saw him walk into a door of the first hallway I looked down. I ran to the door and reached in and grabbed him by the back of the jacket. I pulled him into the deserted hallway and rapidly explained myself. That I’d had to make the decision to move on when I could no longer ignore his passive-aggressive refusal to make even the smallest effort to achieve something that could lead to something resembling a semi-normal,.
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