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After an hour or so we were all pretty drunk and whilst flicking through the channels we found some “soft” porn film where the main character was a lap dancer in a club. There were lots of boobs and bums but not much else however it was starting to make me horny so I was considering suggesting that we all call it a night so I could take Nicola to bed. I started to clear the plates away and thought that would be enough of hint. I came back from the kitchen to find the TV turned off and music playing instead. Nicola told me to sit next to Simon on the sofa as she had promised him a lap dance. To this day, I do not know what was said whilst I was out of the room but Nicola always insisted that it was only a lap dance that had been discussed and she thought that was all it would be. So I eagerly took my place on the sofa and she started to dance in front of us. She danced for a few minutes before eventually taking her top off to reveal her beautiful 36dd’s at which point Simon. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!” “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife!” I cried. “It’s perfectly normal” he reassured me “She’s just having her contractions”.Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row. His wife dragged him to the window, pointing to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. “See how big it is?” she said. “They can always make it faster than you can drink it”. “Maybe so” said Murphy “But I’ve got ‘em working nights!”A woman buys a new Sim Card. She puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband, who is seated on the couch in the living room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: “Hello Darling”. The husband responds in a low tone: “Let me call you back later, Honey, my wife is in the kitchen”.A lady to doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?” Doctor: “Give him an opportunity to speak.
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