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My tears could not be stopped from rolling down my cheeks as the realization hit me once again that I am unwanted by the man I love. I know exactly what the dream means, for the message in it is abundantly clear. There can be no more. No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal?. I went to sleep a lot of nights comparing the memory of those kisses. Marlene and I are in way different worlds and there is nothing that would ever develop between us. I hear she's engaged and living in Omaha. But the sweet taste of a girl on my lips was all I needed to know; there was a future for me.aroslav: So you lost weight.BETH: I started. I'd dropped ten pounds before I got to Wellesley. Nobody noticed. It's hard to break habits when you are still in the same environment. Tony and I were both excited about college, but whenever we talked, we were eating a burger. I don't know why he never gained weight. I guess his dad kept him physically active and his mom always cooked the best, healthy meals. It was after I got to college that I was able to focus on dropping the weight. Barbara helped.aroslav: Your girlfriend?BETH: Yeah. We found each other the first week of school. It was interesting having a new best friend who was a girl. Most of the girls I knew in high school only.
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