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I cannot avoid it, there is a stamp on my record, the tattoo on my wrist, and the sin in my heart. I have been convicted and there is no denying my guilt. I like men, and I am a man. But I’m trying to fix that. I will get better. I can be cured through God’s will. Those were the thoughts I used to think. Used to. Now, I am a lost cause, doomed by my own actions and choices. I was unable to change. I was given multiple chances to convert, to commit to a woman, and live a life as God intended. I failed each time. I was unable to rid my impure thoughts and control my actions. And now, after my third failure, I have been sentenced to die. My execution is tomorrow, at sunrise. I will have lived only 19 years on this earth. I am to die as the Lord did, on a cross, so that others may be spared the sins I have committed. ***To understand my story I must start at the beginning – at my first failure.I first knew I was different when I entered my twelfth year. Our community. He just laughed it away saying that I looked far younger than what I thought.I suddenly felt an emotional mixture of a mother’s pride and a feeling of arousal which one gets from similar flirtations of any male. I was feeling aroused and I responded by slightly rubbing my breasts on his back. It was a pure desire of love and it was done with an intention to make my son happy. I realized the value of my breasts in my son’s life. Right from infant feed to sexual joy, now my son was getting a tease for his mother from her breasts. I thanked God for letting me be useful to my son. Soon we reached the Ojha’s hut after a small walk in the woods.The Ojha smiled at us and asked us to sit down. He signaled to his aide and he left us alone in the room. The fire burned in the centre of the room and smoke filled the room overhead moving out from the windows. It was a Dhoona, people who are from hills will know what Dhoona is. Normally women are not allowed near the Dhoona but this was not the.
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