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"Can you, will you ... forgive me, Amy?" She was still so worried that I was angry with her. But I was Tama's best friend in the whole school, probably, so how could I be mad her?"Well, you did kind of break a secret, Tama. I didn't tell that dream to anybody else, not even Jenny." She knew Jenny was my best friend in the whole world, so she knew what I was saying. Like Tama was special to me in some way that nobody else was."I know," she whispered and her bottom lip was trembling."Do you promise you'll never tell anybody else the things I tell you?" I asked her and Tama was nodding and smiling weakly, "Will you seal your promise in friendship forever?" I was making this up, but she owed me."Yes, I promise forever," Tama replied seriously, smiling and thinking that was the end of it."We have to seal it, Tama," I told her. "It's important." How?" she asked me, still trying to keep her voice down even though I hadn't been paying much attention to it."We have to kiss on it. You have to. Look into my eyesBarbara and you will see the true me as I see the true you in yours."I lack the experiences and I lack the knowing of what life as a female is.I have my limitations that my physical being will cause, but what I can'tphysically experience as a female I can know and try to understand. If youcan accept me as I am now as Rachel and as a girlfriend and not as aboyfriend you can help me understand. I need your help, Barb! I need you!Rich will return physically soon enough, but until then Rachel is whom youwill be seeing."She grabbed onto me and hugged me, crying hard. After a few minutes shelooked up and into my eyes looking deep within them. She calmed and said,"Rachel, no, Rich, I have to tell you this and I don't want to hurt you, butI have to make you realize what you have been ignoring for a long time.Everyone else knows, but you have always been oblivious to how othersperceive you. You just don't care about what they say or think about you!All you have ever cared.
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