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Though her heart tried hard to hold the man’s memory in fondness and happiness, the wound of his loss was simply too deep and personal for her to ignore. She was healing, true, healing in the fashion of a wound slowly scarring over, hard and twisted and ugly. She hated it. Hated this world that left her without him. Even worse, she hated herself. For despite the keenness of the loss, her body would not cease tormenting her. The Stirring continued on, as undeniable and impossible to ignore as ever. She’d resisted for awhile, but it wasn’t to last. She gave up fighting her nature some months ago. Her proclivity for seeking out different men to sate her needs was less than secret now and though she had come to terms with it and accepted it, neither was she entirely proud of it. With a deep breath, Silmaria rose to her feet. She swallowed her grief and instead steeled herself with outrage as she looked once more around the room. The dust, the clutter, the disorganization, she’d never. She also liked smart boys, not the dullards like her sister seemed to bring home, all they did was want to sit in front of the tube. She didn't like the jocks because they were to agressive and loud, she knew they talked about their girl friends, she had heard them. No she wanted that one, the one with the look of pure pleasure on his face while he sat and tried to pretend he was not watching the girls smoke.She had been stalking him, she giggled at the idea of being dangerous, didn't boys like girls who chased them. She didn't want to tease him she wanted him to play with her. She wanted a best friend, not some silly girl who wouldn't understand, besides she knew she was not into girls, not since she and a friend had tried touching each other when they were eight, she wanted a boy. She was not a bad girl, she got good grades and from all outward appearances she was a nice girl, her parents were very strict so she would have to find a boy that would see her on the sly and he would.
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