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.."PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a... 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,"You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was. ”“Such a small thing, really. Might you lie down upon this table so we can get a closer look?”She spared a glance over at Mizy who seemed quite caught up in her work, her back turned, as she fussed over a bit of lace. ‘I really can’t see the harm,’ she told herself as she clambered up upon the sturdy wooden table and lay down upon her back, her bare feet closest to the stern thimble-headed creature, her head nearest the others.“Now, stay perfectly still,” said the pincushion man. “Perfectly still.”“Whatever for,” she asked, curious as to their intent.“Never you mind. And close your eyes, please.”She wondered with a sigh why she simply complied with their request rather than making her own decisions, sure that they had only their own interests in mind, and not hers. Still, she closed her eyes and did her best to remain perfectly still despite the flurry of activity around her not even stirring as she felt the touch of what must have been the ribbons she had so admired earlier upon her.
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