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There it was. Room 104. My mind shifted to another dillema~There were lots of people around. Some just walking along the sidewalks outside of the rooms.. some standing outside their rooms up on the 2nd floor of the motel having a smoke, people watching.. some were still sitting in their cars.. I quickly counted at least 5 men; -Men-.. no women.. that I could see. The security lighting outside the hotel brightly lit up the rows of cars parked directly in front of the rooms, whereas the opposite side of the parking lot was dark trees with no security lighting. Do I pull up in front of the motel room where my car will be lit up and everyone can see me inside? Or do I play shy and park over in the shadows where someone could easily take advantage of me in the dark?.. I knew.. KNEW I was going to stand out regardless. Bimbo blonde hair..Shiny metallic gold trenchcoat.. Whore-perfect makeup in shades of pink and purple with dark mascara..Rosy cheeks..Glossy pink lips..Alan said he wanted. Well, my dad certainly didn't need to do anything like that with me, but he COULD have at least let me know how he felt. It was SO frustrated as I thought his apparent lack of interest in me sexually was genuine. Often I think back about how it would have been so much easier if he had just told me his true feelings so I could have offered myself to him as a daughter should to her father.Oh well, the things we would change in the past if we could! However, with things as they were I found myself debating once again whether I shouldn’t just come right out and ask him. Boy, I could just imagine how THAT conversation would go…… “Hi daddy, wanna fuck me?” For the first time I sympathized with some poor boy trying to work up the courage to ask a girl to a dance. Guys never turned me away so I’d never experienced such an intense fear of rejection. As much as I wanted my dad to do me, if he turned me down I think I would’ve been totally embarrassed and devastated.The “problem” I was.
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