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“Y-yeah… Yes sir.”“Meaning?...” He still was staring at the wall.I ground my teeth. He must have some idea about us, if he was probing this far…“We… Ryan and I are g-ga…”He sighed and moved to sit on the back of the couch. “Yeah. I know.”The man’s voice suddenly seemed a thousand miles away.Those three insignificant words had swatted me to the floor as if they were silver bullets.He had already known!!! What did he think of us, now??I was cheating him!Cheating him out of a daughter-in-law! Out of grandkids! Family reunions and birthday parties and ballgames and uncles and cousins! A whole branch of the family tree would never exist if Ryan and I were together.Ryan will never be able to truly continue this generation without a wife.I’d cheated him out of a son! A real son of his own flesh and blood to raise from birth and to teach sports and cheesy pickup lines and wrestle with.Out of a real daughter who would be his little girl to protect from the world and to love and to hold…No.It. I do not want my baby to be born on this boat. Someone calls from above deck, in a language I do not know. I look to Brighde. ‘Dawn.’ she murmurs. The thirteenth day. I hold my swollen stomach as another contraction hits. Brighde furrows her warm brow. ‘I see it!’ someone shouts in Gaelic. ‘New York!’ A cheer goes up, everyone talking and shouting and praying to their God in different languages. Soon, the ship stops, and men come in from ashore. They will not let us depart. They line everyone up, go around to each person checking out eyes, looking in our mouths, and feeling for a temperature. Some people get motioned to go above deck, most likely to be documented. Others, like Brighde and I, have to stay. Eventually it becomes quieter. Some of the American men go into the hold, where the bodies are. They have masks on their faces and papers in their hands. To count and document the dead, I hear someone say. A tear comes to my eyes. I will not see my husband again, never hold his.
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