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I was going to insist that she let me make my own mistakes with this. She had this idea that she knew what I needed, better than I did myself. I needed to figure out how to change her mind about that. I thought the key to doing that was Joyce. She had used Joyce against me, and I planned on doing the same thing with her. Joyce needed to learn that her primary loyalty had to be to either me or Mama. Right then, I didn't care who she picked, but she wasn't going to be in my group, if her answer to that question wasn't me.I spent the day moving between the two extension projects, speaking with both contractors about the cost overruns. I ended up approving some cost changes, but, I disapproved more than I allowed. The contractor building the girl's extension got pretty upset and belligerent with me, right up to the point where I told him I'd have my lawyers shut him down so quick that his head would spin off his shoulders.I knew he'd been trying to screw us with some of the padding he'd. Shes screaming and begging me to keep going. To give her more. She wants the pain. I sense something dark in her past that bay effect her in the future. I finally get the courage to get up and leave. I run out the door leaving her there to fend for herself. Hearing her yell for me causes me to run faster. I dont know what it is, but its not right. Arriving at the hotel Mizuhashi seemed worried that i was back so early. He seen me leave no less than two hours ago. Not stopping i just ran into the room and into the bedroom. My heart is still beating uncontrollably. I cant stand it. What happened? Why cant i do it? Im confused more than worried. Ive already had most of her in the sauna and then again at her apartment. I lay in bed thinking about everything. Suddenly Ana slipped her way into my mind. I miss her so much. I want to hold her in my arms again. Tears begin to trail down my cheek as i begin to think of the past. My own darkness has been haunting me lately. I can feel.
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