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” Aunt Cathy wasted no time getting to the point. “Me? She’s what, 42, and I’m 23.” “Drew, she doesn’t want a boyfriend. She just wants to get laid. And she’s willing to pay for it.” “Really? How much?” “If you want to do it, that would be up to her and you.” “You don’t mind? I mean, I’m living with you.” “We aren’t screwing, and you’re a healthy young guy. If it wasn’t for Jim I’d screw you.” She laughed heartily. Jim is her boyfriend. “Also, Mrs. Porter said she has friends like her, needing to get laid.” “I…uh…don’t know what to say.” Truth was, I hadn’t had sex in over a year. “Why don’t I send her back. My next client is here, and so I’ll tell Mrs. Porter to come back and use the tanning bed.” Mrs. Porter came back. I thought it would be an awkward moment but she sat on the couch and got to the point. “My husband is in prison for tax fraud. I haven’t had sex in two years. I’m anxious to solve that problem. I think you’ll be discreet, and you look healthy. Would you be. Deliah cut me short by saying tersely, “No judgments. No attacking. No comments at all. We are opening ourselves up and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.”I sat, breathing heavily. That bitch was going to pay for this, I just didn’t know how or when. The rest of the office shared their dark secrets. Three of the women admitted they were lesbian. One woman said she couldn’t get enough cock and cruised the bars almost every night. One very shakily admitted to stealing from her former employer. “It wasn’t that much,” she said, “but I was in charge of the petty cash drawer and the vending machines were right behind my desk and if I was hungry, I sort of borrowed a little bit here and there and it got out of control.”She looked over at Ms. Pearson trembling in fear. “Don’t worry, dearie,” Ms. Pearson said, “we knew all about it before we ever offered you the job. But remember one of our catchphrases in consulting is Keep the Honest People Honest. There are always at least two people.
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