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.nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't had an attack of conscience and stopped when he did? Or even if I'd agreed to let Janey be my room mate at college. Now, when I think back, even if it's degenerate, it was sure satisfying. But if we'd been room mates and doing that on a regular basis, someone would have caught us. Anyway, it's back to my faithful five. (Fingers, that is.)Dear Diary - Annette got drunk last night. And I seen her diary, only she calls it a journal. She plays with herself, just like me. But she aint never had the real thing. It sounds like she done it with her friend Janey, though. I'm going to get in bed with her tonight. Mom is away and I'll pretend I'm scairt, alone.The shy schoolteacher, Annette, was in bed. There was a bright harvest moon shining in the window of her room and she was lying there, sipping on a gin that she'd sneaked from Bonny's liquor cabinet. It was, in fact, her third, and she'd refilled the bottle with water so Bonny wouldn't know it.
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