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Probably because I'd imagined scenarios when I'd have come back here with ... well, with Debbie.However, here I now was, with May, and frankly she was now, I felt, a bit redundant: The stairs would have been a definite problem on my own but now that I was at the top of them – home, in fact – I didn't really need her anymore. What I most wanted to do was lie down on the bed and relax for a while, then get back on top of things by replying to a few messages, making a few calls, confident that I had enough food around the place not to be in danger of starving, that I was mobile enough to keep things together biological function wise. But rather than that, I found myself acting as host, doing the polite stuff that comes with the role as well as I could while lying prone across a sofa.And, of course, May was a charity chief exec who'd risen through the ranks from her days as a hands on carer and, given that she'd taken the afternoon off work, she was determined to care for someone. The only thing I could remember after that, was me curling in the corner completely naked with tears running down my face. Alone.Whenever I thought back to this day, I usually just fill in the blanks myself with my own fantasies. Sometimes I imagined myself slowly accepting what was happening and returned your forceful love back in full. Sometimes I imagined you keeping me locked underneath your body for the entire night as you continuously fuck me over and over and over again.No matter what though, I could never quite remember it right.Now you might be wondering why in the world I would ever consider something like this to be such a cherished memory, when I was originally so horrified to the point of being absolutely traumatized into repressing the whole day deep the depths of my mind.Honestly, who knows? Maybe it was Stockhold syndrome. Maybe I was sick in the head and always wanted my own little brother to conquer me, even if I never realized it before. Maybe something inside of.
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