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Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?If there are, will I have to apologize?Dear God: Here is a list ofjust some of the things I must rememberto be a good Dog:1. I will not eat the cat’s food before he eatsit or after he throws it up.2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.3. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.5. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’sunderwear when he’s on the toilet.6. Sticking my nose into someone’scrotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.7. I don’t need to suddenly standstraight up when I’m under the coffee table.8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - not after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I play with him and he makes that noise,it’s usually not a good thing.P.S.. Gifts were exchanged, including the bride’s dowry that her family paid the groom to take her off their hands. So I have no scruples about making love, because we’ve committed ourselves to each other in the presence of a witness. Now that’s settled. I went to see the doctor and got started on the pill, so that answers your other question before you even ask it. Now, remember that song that asks for a little less talk and a lot more action?’ We got onto my king size bed and for the next two hours we were so involved with each other that our bodies seemed to have merged into one. It was passionate and wild, it was slow and tender. It was simply the physical expression of our feelings. And fast or slow, hard or soft, it was intense, because that’s how our feelings were. At last we rolled onto our backs, gasping for breath. ‘Can you stay the night?’ ‘Yes. I have my clothes in the next room and my toiletries and makeup, so I can go straight from here to work.’ ‘I’ll have to get a bigger.
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