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Please fuck like that...please fuck me like that as hard as you can." Breathing heavily we slide down on to the thick carpet and I clumsily push my trousers down and kick them off. There is no time for me to use my tongue on that wonderful juicy slit. We both know that I must get my cock into her aching cunt right now. We then assume the same position as the couple on the TV screen and she forces herself down on to my groin. "Agghhhhh..." she sighs in triumphant bliss. We both begin to grind our loins against each other making that delicious slapping sound as her wet hairy fanny lips begin to suck eagerly on my big stiff prick. We time our lunges to coincide with those of the couple. "Scream if you want to" I say as I reach up and tightly squeeze her breasts. "Make as much noise as you want...say whatever you want." "Please" she moans breathlessly, "make me come hard...keep filling me with your big fat dick! I want to feel all that cum squirting into me." In the film the guy is. But I felt I needed to feel this pain... for a while at least. To make sure I remembered just what I had thrown away.It was a dangerous game I was playing with myself then. One that could end up with me dead and gone. I walked that line, the edges of it drawing me in and out many times a day. I thought deep down that if I lost John forever, I would rather be out of my misery than have to face myself each day.When John called me that night, having gotten back from his vacation, I was surprised. That night too, I'd been depressed. I thought that he was about to cut me loose. I thought I had finally lost my John forever. He was going to take me out in a public place, then dump me.I slept roughly the night before, nightmare after nightmare keeping me in a state of half sleep. I must have looked like hell that next day at work. I was thankful it was a Friday, so I wouldn't have to answer any questions about my appearance till Monday. If I was still alive then and if I still felt like.
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