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She sat staring at the way he securely held her hands and she had the sudden urge to break down and tell him everything, why she was so afraid, why she could never truly be with him. She couldn’t do it though, she couldn’t tell him the truth because he would hate her if he knew her secrets. But she couldn’t send him away either. Tessa held back the tears forcing to erupt from her eyes and she forced a smile before she gently withdrew her hands from his and moved around him. Conner glanced back curiously as she knelt down behind him. “What are you doing?” he asked. Tessa thought a change of subject was in order so she smiled at him as she brought her hands to his shoulders and gently kissed his cheek. “You had a hard day.” She said, “I thought I’d help you relax, and you can tell me about it.” Conner was nowhere near ready to change the subject. He was far from finished when it came to letting her know that he wouldn’t let her push him away so easily. But now she wasn’t pushing him. No matter what I have done, I love him, I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to lose him. I laid there for a moment thinking that I would have jumped on him if he had still been home. I would have attacked him, which would probably have given him cardiac arrest because it would have been so out of character for me. I never initiate sex. I never play with myself. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I had ever masturbated. I didn’t have time to think about it anymore. I had to shower. Betty, my next-door neighbor, always came over for coffee at nine and it was already well after eight. I was still in the shower when I heard Betty yelling up the stairs. "I’m here. I’ll put the coffee on. Take your time." Betty was like one of the family. She never rang the doorbell. She just walked in and made herself at home. I jumped out of the shower. Toweled off and slipped into a white Baby doll that clung to my still damp body like a second skin. I was already halfway down the stairs when I realized.
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