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"It's something you have to experience to really understand," she said. "I want you to write about this in future, so I need you to understand." But… please, can't I just… please don't."She twisted my sack slightly and I could feel the cold metal close around the base. I heard a click and she released them, adjusting them slightly in the collar. "There. Is that comfortable?"Like a fool, I nodded."Good. Now…" She crouched down and could feel something else cold touching the other side of my balls. She flicked something with her finger - a wing nut? Then, I sensed that she tightened the nut while looking up at me for a reaction. I was sweating and breathing heavily, but I felt no pain at first. Then the plate was clearly being pressed against my balls and it started to feel uncomfortable.She slowed her tightening as I reacted. It was starting to hurt. I let out a hiss, then gritted my teeth, trying to bear the pain. She slowed even more, until eventually I had to cry out. "STOP!. Of the two, Roni taught me more. My sister-in-law, Sheila, has a lovely phrase for it, Learning hurts because part of your innocence died. They make up words like bittersweet to describe my relationship with Roni.The end came a few days before I was going to blow off my next semester and stay on for the fall. As was my normal routine, I left the legal aid office, stopped by the news/coffee/sundries store and picked up two lattes with an extra shot. I knew as soon as I opened the door that something was wrong. Two hours later, still with two lattes in hand, Veronica was gone from my life. She always told me a clean cut heals best.I did not cry then, or ever, about the breakup. Cruel cuts were an old enemy. I knew how to hold the edges together until scar tissue formed. Oddly, it made things easier at the shelter and legal aid center. No one knew Veronica, but they knew her tactics. If you read Othello, the only person that believes Desdemona was unfaithful is her husband. I was the.
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