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The grin is back on her face. Her hand snatches mine up once more and she's away again, tripping down the road and dragging me along as she bundles headlong into the nearest shop. I don't need to tell you the way men feel about shopping, do I? Least of all, shopping with the significant other. It's been a staple of comedians for decades. That dreaded requirement of all relationships: a hardship and a duty to be performed – nay, suffered. It's true, every shop we enter is strewn with the abandoned, listless carcasses of apathetic boyfriends and resigned husbands. They gather in doorways, seating areas and paltry “men's sections”, laden down with bags and the weight of their own depression. Shopping with Hazel isn't like that. Something about her energy is addictive and intoxicating. She has an enthusiasm and excitement that I can't get enough of. She leaps from aisle to aisle, gasping, cooing and pointing at anything and everything. I suppose some might find it tiresome, but I. It took me a long time to finish the last little spurt. She lay across me, catching her breath. ‘That wasn’t anything like it was supposed to be. It didn’t hurt. I came the very first time you were in me. Oh, that was so nice.’ She closed her eyes and just quivered. ‘I’m sorry I called you bad names. It’s like my step mom. He beats her when she does that and she comes and comes.’ ‘So the next time, I’m supposed to get rough?’ ‘In the porn stuff on the Internet, the women are always getting whipped or worse. Doesn’t look like much fun. We don’t have to do that, do we?’ I pulled us together on our sides and kissed her. ‘Have we, um, made some kind of connection?’ ‘What if I call Kristin and say you have taken my virginity without protection and I may have to move in?’ ‘You know, my mother told you I was dangerous? Well, so is she. She and my dad have sex almost every day, and they’ve been married twenty years. One afternoon, I came home early from practice and found mom and her sister.
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