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"They were covered in snow and cold and frozen, so we are thawing them out and washing them." She answered. "You're lucky an elf was chasing an escaped reindeer and found you or you'd be dead by now, dear." Elf?" I asked dumbfounded. "Reindeer?" Why yes, dear, you're at Santa's village." And with that the old lady opened the curtains showing a small village of wooden cabins covered in snow, Christmas decorations and lights, and reindeer and what looked like every storybook version of elves running around. "I'm Mrs. Claus," she announced. "Santa is my husband." Any other person would have been shocked by this revelation but since I already met Santa Claus and knew he is actually real, I wasn't that surprised. "Is there a phone?" I'm sorry, dear," Mrs. Claus explained, "being at the North Pole we have no way to communicate with the outside world. Only Santa sees people and places outside the village when he works on Christmas Eve bringing k**s their presents." How will I get home?". " C'n I have him when we get back? I'm fed up with Mr. Wiseass Chuck."In a parody of the drawl used in Western films, the reply came, "Honey, if'n you want Du-ane, you go git him."Many people gave them advice on where to go, what to do, and what to expect from their holiday. As is the wont of youngsters everywhere, they believed some of the tales their peers told them but took little heed of the advice of their elders. They left home in high spirits, determined to spend two weeks stoned, or drunk, or naked with handsome Arabs, or better still all three at once.It was an awful surprise when Tunis turned out to be a completely modern city and the hotel turned out to be a typical American hotel chain product. They had certainly expected to see narrow streets full of men with donkeys and camels; instead they got broad boulevards full of cars. True, the signs were in Arabic script as well as French, but the most of the men they saw were dressed very similarly to those they would see back.
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