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. in an apple tree ‘Cos an apple tree... ‘s got roots you seeOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... on roller skates ‘Cos you’d roll right past ... them Pearly GatesOh you’ll l never get to Heaven ... in a Playtex bra ‘Cos a Playtex bra ... won’t stretch that farOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... with a bottle of gin ‘Cos St Peter won’t let ... no spirits inOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... on water skis ‘Cos the angels don’t ... like those hairy kneesOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... with powder and paint ‘Cos it makes you look ... like what you ain’tOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in a strapless gown ‘Cos a strapless gown ... might fall right down”There were many more verses than I’ve listed here. Eventually, Fred strummed a final chord, and rested the guitar.Once we had got our own breath back, we praised him, asking him how the heck he remembered quite so many of the verses.“Partly practice, partly having that sort of memory, and partly cheating - why do you think I got Vee to start a. ?Of course I do! I like girls as well,? he cried, ?I thought you were agirl; I mean just look at you!??Well thanks for the compliment, but now that misunderstanding?s clearedup. Shall we just forget all this ever happened??Jack gave a long slow sigh then shrugged his shoulders.?Shit! This is a right fuck-up! Promise me you?ll never say anythingabout this in the office.??Why should I? You say nothing and I say nothing. Call it quits.?He looked at me thankfully then sagged with relief.?Thanks. You?re a real trooper. What say you and I just go for a drink?Nothing else just a drink.??I can?t, I?m meeting my wife at the station.??Well invite her along. There, I can?t be more sincere than that. Whichstation d?you use???Victoria. Judith works in Pimlico.??Well that?s just serendipity. I know a tranny club not far from there.Ask her if she wants to come.?He unlocked the car door to demonstrate I was free to go if I wished, soI stepped outside and called Judith on my mobile.?Where???The.
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