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He just accepted, at least openly. I read his last stories after his death, and realized my mistake. When Ted was ready to go, I should have let him. He stayed alive for at least an extra year, only because of me. It was just when he could no longer cope that he let go..My fault, my greed, my need, I wanted him with me. It was only 5 weeks later and I had to go back to work, the walls of my lonely house were climbing in at me. I found myself trying to force myself to sleep, to dream. I was hoping for a moment more, another touch, I realized I was losing control of myself. So I called Sally, my super, of course they could use me. Back to the HMO clinic I went, thinking that keeping busy would help me to cope. And I accepted a date with one of my patients! My 2nd patient of the day, I had to simply be out of my mind! I remember opening my mouth to say, ‘Thank you, but sorry, I don’t date my patients!’ and only ‘OK!’ came out. The guy’s name is Norman, he is around 6′ and maybe 200#,. ’ So how the hell did Tilly know I hadn’t got a new lover? What makes her so arrogant to think I’ll act as a guide or whatever for her pal? I may have been obedient when we were together, but now? Only one thing to do. ‘Okay.’ Saturday evening ‘I’m staying here until I get a flat.’ ‘Here’ was the Grant Hotel. It was one of the best in Bloomsbury, near the British Museum and way out of my price range. We were sitting in the bar, two large glasses part filled with wine, hers red, mine white. She was quite stunning, tall with shoulder length blonde hair, more gold than blond really. Her eyes were a deep blue. Her nose was too long, so were her legs. Well actually they were perfect with fine ankles and good shoes. The dress an understated pale blue silk number with tiny straps and her tits moved as she spoke suggesting that, like mine, they were unfettered if bigger. We talked. She didn’t enquire about Tilly and me and I didn’t enquire about Tilly. She wasn’t the name that couldn’t be.
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